29. 伊強迫家己去睏

29. I kiông-pek ka-tī khì khùn

Góa thâu-khak chin chheng-chhéⁿ, i siūⁿ. Góa kap góa ê hiaⁿ-tī thiⁿ-chheⁿ pêⁿ chheng-chhéⁿ. In ài khùn, goe̍h kap ji̍t mā ài khùn, ū-sî bô hái-lâu, hái-chúi pêng-chēng, hit sî hái-iûⁿ mā teh khùn.

Ē-kì-tit khì khùn, i siūⁿ. Kiông-pek ka-tī khì khùn, siūⁿ kán-tan ê hong-hoat kò͘ soh-á. Taⁿ seng thâi hái-ti-á. Khùn ê sî, pa̍k chiúⁿ chò chó͘-tòng siuⁿ ûi-hiám.

Góa ē-sái mài khùn, i kā ka-tī kóng. M̄-koh án-ne siuⁿ ûi-hiám.

I iōng siang-chhiú kap kha-thâu-u sóa-tńg chûn-bóe, chù-ì mài kiaⁿ-tāng hî-á. I khó-lêng mā pòaⁿ-khùn ah, i siūⁿ. M̄-koh góa m̄-hō͘ hioh-khùn. I ài thoa-kah i sí.

Tńg kàu chûn-bóe, i choán-sin, iōng tò-chhiú hōaⁿ keng-thâu soh-á ê khan-la̍t, chiàⁿ-chhiú kā to thiu-chhut to-siò. Chit-sî thiⁿ-chheⁿ bêng-liāng, hái-ti-á khòaⁿ-kah chin chheng-chhó, i kā to tu̍h-jip thâu, kā i ùi chûn-bóe thoa--kòe-lâi. Iōng chi̍t kha kā ta̍h-tio̍h, i iōng to kā i ùi kha-chhng phòa-khui it-ti̍t kàu ē-hâi. Koh-lâi i kā to khǹg leh, iōng chiàⁿ-chhiú thiah pak-lāi, óe chheng-khì, koh kā chhi thiah-tiāu.

I kám-kak he ūi tī chhiú ni̍h tāng-tāng koh ku̍t-liu-liu, tō kā phòa-khui. Lāi-bīn ū nn̄g bóe poe-o͘. In iáu chhiⁿ, tēng-tēng, i kā khǹg tī chûn-pang, kā kî-thaⁿ ê pak-lāi hām chhi hiat-chhut chûn. In tîm-lo̍h ê sî tī chúi ni̍h thoa chi̍t-tiâu lîn-kng. Hái-ti-á léng-peng-peng, tī chheⁿ-kng ē-bīn khòaⁿ--khí-lâi sí-pe̍h sí-pe̍h, lāu lâng chiàⁿ-kha ta̍h hî-thâu, kā hî-phôe pak-tiāu chi̍t-pêng. Koh-lâi, i kā hî péng-sin, pak iáu chi̍t pêng, jiân-āu ùi-thâu kàu bóe kā siang-pêng bah lio--lo̍h-lâi.

I hō͘ si-kut ùi chûn-kîⁿ chhu-lo̍h, sūn-sòa khòaⁿ chúi ni̍h sī-m̄-sī ū kńg-lê-á. M̄-koh kan-ta khòaⁿ tio̍h i bān-bān tîm-lo̍h ê kng. I oa̍t-sin, kā hit nn̄g-bóe poe-o͘ gia̍p tī hit nn̄g liau hái-ti-bah ni̍h, kā to ji̍p-siò, bān-bān-á sóa-tńg chûn-thâu. I kha-chiah-phiaⁿ ku-ku, keng soh-á ê khiú-la̍t, chiàⁿ-chhiú the̍h hî-bah.

Tńg kàu chûn-thâu, i kā nn̄g liau hî-bah khǹg tī chûn-pang, poe-o͘ khǹg in piⁿ-á. Koh-lâi i kā keng-thâu ê soh-á sóa-ūi, koh iōng khò tī chûn-kîⁿ ê tò-chhiú tēⁿ-tio̍h. I thàm-sin tī chúi ni̍h sé poe-o͘, chù-ì chhiâng tio̍h chhiú ê chúi-sok. I pak hî-phôe ê chhiú ū lîn-kng, i khòaⁿ chhiâng chhiú ê chúi-lâu. Chúi-lâu bô hiah kiông ah, i tī chûn-pang lù chhiú, lîn-kng tō chi̍t-tiám chi̍t-tiám lâu-khui, bān-bān phiau hiòng chûn-bóe khì.

"I thiám ah, nā bô tō-sī i teh hioh-khùn," lāu lâng kóng. "Taⁿ, góa lâi chia̍h hái-ti-á, jiân-āu hioh-khùn leh koh khùn chi̍t-ē."

Tī chheⁿ-kng ē-bīn, àm-sî lú-lâi lú-léng, i chia̍h pòaⁿ-liau hái-ti-bah, chi̍t-bóe khì pak-lāi koh liàm-thâu ê poe-o͘.

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29. 伊強迫家己去睏

我頭殼真清醒, 伊想. 我 kap 我 ê 兄弟天星平清醒. In 愛睏, 月 kap 日 mā 愛睏, 有時無海流, 海水平靜, 彼時海洋 mā teh 睏.

會記得去睏, 伊想. 強迫家己去睏, 想簡單 ê 方法顧索仔. 今先刣海豬仔. 睏 ê 時, 縛槳做阻擋 siuⁿ 危險.

我會使莫睏, 伊 kā 家己講. 毋過 án-ne siuⁿ 危險.

伊用雙手 kap 跤頭趺徙轉船尾, 注意莫驚動魚仔. 伊可能 mā 半睏 ah, 伊想. 毋過我毋予歇睏. 伊愛拖甲伊死.

轉到船尾, 伊轉身, 用倒手扞肩頭索仔 ê 牽力, 正手 kā 刀抽出刀鞘. 這時天星明亮, 海豬仔看甲真清楚, 伊 kā 刀揬入頭, kā 伊 ùi 船尾拖過來. 用一跤 kā 踏著, 伊用刀 kā 伊 ùi 尻川破開一直到下頦. 閣來伊 kā 刀囥 leh, 用正手拆腹內, 挖清氣, koh kā 鰓拆掉.

伊感覺彼胃 tī 手 ni̍h 重重 koh 滑溜溜, tō kā 破開. 內面有兩尾飛烏. In 猶鮮, tēng-tēng, 伊 kā 囥 tī 船枋, kā 其他 ê 腹內和鰓 hiat 出船. In 沉落 ê 時 tī 水 ni̍h 拖一條磷光. 海豬仔冷冰冰, tī 星光下面看起來死白死白, 老人正跤踏魚頭, kā 魚皮剝掉一爿. 閣來, 伊 kā 魚 péng 身, 剝猶一爿, 然後 ùi 頭到尾 kā 雙爿 ê 肉 lio 落來.

伊予屍骨 ùi 船墘趄落, 順紲看水 ni̍h 是毋是有卷螺仔. 毋過干焦看著伊慢慢沉落 ê 光. 伊越身, kā 彼兩尾飛烏挾 tī 彼兩 liau 海豬肉 ni̍h, kā 刀入鞘, 慢慢仔徙轉船頭. 伊尻脊骿 ku-ku, 弓索仔 ê 搝力, 正手提魚肉.

轉到船頭, 伊 kā 兩 liau 魚肉囥 tī 船枋, 飛烏囥 in 邊仔. 閣來伊 kā 肩頭 ê 索仔徙位, koh 用靠 tī 船墘 ê 倒手捏著. 伊探身 tī 水 ni̍h 洗飛烏, 注意沖著手 ê 水速. 伊剝魚皮 ê 手有磷光, 伊看沖手 ê 水流. 水流無 hiah 強 ah, 伊 tī 船枋 lù 手, 磷光 tō 一點一點流開, 慢慢漂向船尾去.

"伊 thiám ah, 若無就是伊 teh 歇睏," 老人講. "今, 我來食海豬仔, 然後歇睏 leh koh 睏一下."

Tī 星光下面, 暗時愈來愈冷, 伊食半 liau 海豬肉, 一尾去腹內 koh 捻頭 ê 飛烏.

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29.

I’m clear enough in the head, he thought. Too clear. I am as clear as the stars that are my brothers. Still I must sleep. They sleep and the moon and the sun sleep and even the ocean sleeps sometimes on certain days when there is no current and a flat calm.

But remember to sleep, he thought. Make yourself do it and devise some simple and sure way about the lines. Now go back and prepare the dolphin. It is too dangerous to rig the oars as a drag if you must sleep.

I could go without sleeping, he told himself. But it would be too dangerous.

He started to work his way back to the stern on his hands and knees, being careful not to jerk against the fish. He may be half asleep himself, he thought. But I do not want him to rest. He must pull until he dies.

Back in the stern he turned so that his left hand held the strain of the line across his shoulders and drew his knife from its sheath with his right hand. The stars were bright now and he saw the dolphin clearly and he pushed the blade of his knife into his head and drew him out from under the stern. He put one of his feet on the fish and slit him quickly from the vent up to the tip of his lower jaw. Then he put his knife down and gutted him with his right hand, scooping him clean and pulling the gills clear.

He felt the maw heavy and slippery in his hands and he slit it open. There were two flying fish inside. They were fresh and hard and he laid them side by side and dropped the guts and the gills over the stern. They sank leaving a trail of phosphorescence in the water. The dolphin was cold and a leprous gray-white now in the starlight and the old man skinned one side of him while he held his right foot on the fish’s head. Then he turned him over and skinned the other side and cut each side off from the head down to the tail.

He slid the carcass overboard and looked to see if there was any swirl in the water. But there was only the light of its slow descent. He turned then and placed the two flying fish inside the two fillets of fish and putting his knife back in its sheath, he worked his way slowly back to the bow. His back was bent with the weight of the line across it and he carried the fish in his right hand.

Back in the bow he laid the two fillets of fish out on the wood with the flying fish beside them. After that he settled the line across his shoulders in a new place and held it again with his left hand resting on the gunwale. Then he leaned over the side and washed the flying fish in the water, noting the speed of the water against his hand. His hand was phosphorescent from skinning the fish and he watched the flow of the water against it. The flow was less strong and as he rubbed the side of his hand against the planking of the skiff, particles of phosphorus floated off and drifted slowly astern.

“He is tiring or he is resting,” the old man said. “Now let me get through the eating of this dolphin and get some rest and a little sleep.”

Under the stars and with the night colder all the time he ate half of one of the dolphin fillets and one of the flying fish, gutted and with its head cut off.

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